Coach Obama

The other day Rick Santelli of CNBC made an analogy between the President's leadership and sports leadership. After watching President Obama talk about economic matters I was imagining him as a college football coach giving a halftime speech.

Guys, I know we're down 42-7, but I want to point out some important things to you that you just don't seem to understand. 

First of all the referee made a bad call that resulted in that last touchdown. I and my staff have reviewed the replay, and we think he definitely did not cross the goal line no matter what the ref says. 

Second, you all know I inherited a really bad team from Coach Bush. I'm only in my third year season, and you can't expect me to have turned around a team stocked with such lousy recruits. 

Third, we've had some unusual setbacks in this game. It rained all night so the field is soggy and the guy who mows the grass tore up a whole patch of turf around mid-field. If field conditions were perfect, I know we'd be winning.

Fourth, I've been calling all the right plays. You guys have just not been executing correctly. My staff and the guys on TV all agree with me. So in the second half  I'm going to call for more of the same plays and I expect to see very different results. 

Fifth, the real problem is that our lineup has been unfair. We have a couple of guys in the backfield who think that just because they've put up a lot of points in the past and can run faster than anyone else that they deserve to carry the ball all the time. Well, that's got to stop. I'll be sending in the second and third string and calling more plays for the slow guys so that they can get their fair share of carries, too. It's time for you pampered stars to make some more sacrifices.

Lastly, I want to remind you what's at stake here: my job as coach. I've spent my entire life getting ready for this assignment. Even though I've never actually played football, I know a heck of a lot more than you do about how to play it. I've organized community playground teams. I know the plays to call. I know who deserves to get the ball. I know how to recruit a staff that agrees with me.  I give great post-game interviews and am invited on Sports Center all the time. 

Now, get out there and win one for the Gipper . . . er . . . I mean me.